Murders, feuding brothers, a rogue ex-cop, it all sounds like the plot to half a billion movies at least, but this particular post is all about The January Man, a comedy/thriller (what?) starring Kevin Kline and Susan Sarandon.
Nick Starkey (Kevin Kline) is an ex-cop who got booted from the NYC police force after getting mixed up in a scandal and wrongfully accused. Nick is understandably frustrated with the state of law enforcement and so takes himself and his rockin’ moustache and becomes a firefighter instead. One night while leaping through a ground floor window and saving a little girl, Nick encounters his brother (Harvey Keitel), who has come to the scene of the fire to ask him to rejoin the police force.
It seems there is a serial killer on the loose, killing single women by strangling them with a blue ribbon. Hardly the calling card most cinematic serial killers leave behind but everyone’s got to have a thing. Nick’s brother Frank is the police commissioner, and after speaking with the mayor, decides that Nick is the only one who can help them catch this killer. I must point out that Frank’s conversation with the mayor (Rod Steiger), like a lot of conversations in this film, contains a lot of unnecessary yelling. People just start raising their voices for no reason. It’s odd.
Nick is hesitant but decides it is his duty as an honorable, law-abiding man with a moustache to do anything he can to stop the murderer. His one stipulation is that his artist friend Ed (Alan Rickman) be added to the police payroll as his assistant. I can’t say I understand or agree with Nick’s reasoning here, except that his neighbor is Alan Rickman so hey, who am I to judge? His first move is to question the mayor’s daughter Bernadette (Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio), whose friend was the latest victim of the blue ribbon strangler. Now, maybe it was his confusing history with his brother’s wife (Susan Sarandon), maybe it was his moustache, but after meeting Bernadette, Nick decides to just lay all his cards on the table and tell her that he likes her and wants to take her to a hotel. Somehow his strategy works, and they run off to get intimate in a hotel after only knowing each other a few minutes, movie time.
Luckily, Nick is able to remain mostly focused on his whole mission to catch a murderer
and starts to notice strange patterns in the killings. Amidst a much-higher-decibel-level-than-necessary conversation with his brother, Nick sees a truck drive by with the word ‘prime’ on it, and suddenly realizes all the murders that have occurred in the last year have happened on prime number days of the months. Of course this can’t be coincidence. After much head scratching and brainstorming, he figures out when the next murder will take place and prepares to catch the killer.
When a woman is strangled a day ahead of his timeline, Nick’s theory is shot. He inspects the murder scene and discovers that the supposed serial killer jumped out the window of the apartment building of the woman he killed. After examining all the evidence, Nick is convinced that this is merely a copycat killing and that the real serial killer is still at large. This being a movie, no one listens and Nick knows he must solve this case on his own.
I’m just not sure how Nick’s brain works, because this next part really seems to be a bit of a stretch. He lays the areas in the city where all the murders took place and realizes that all the positions connected forms the constellation of Virgo. Furthermore, he uses a computer to lay out the buildings where the murders took place side by side, and marks the exact locations in linear form on blank sheet music and realizes that it makes a song, Calendar Girls. The upcoming murder Nick is sure will take place will be the 12th month of the year in sequence. He figures out what building and floor the next killing will take place on and sets a trap.
To catch Mr. Blue Ribbon, Nick decides to use his new lady friend as bait. Bernadette willingly goes along with placing herself in complete danger with a strangling madman. This really speaks volumes about Bernadette, in my opinion. Nick has a collar for her to put on that will prevent her from actually being strangled. He then places her in the apartment of the next targeted woman and waits. The killer shows up right on time and immediately attacks Bernadette. Amidst the ensuing struggle, Bernadette cries out repeatedly for Nick to bust in and save her but Nick did not think his plan through well enough. His idea, which had been to bust the door down with a sledgehammer, wasn’t properly researched, as he can’t even make a dent in the door. Here, ladies and gentlemen, is the toughest, sturdiest door in all of Hollywood.
Nick finally breaks in, ends up chasing the killer all through the building before finally tackling him and taking him into custody. A yearlong murder case all wrapped up. Apparently Bernadette has no hard feelings about Nick taking his sweet time rescuing her while she was murderer bait, and the two walk off into the sunrise together.
That’s pretty much all there is to it! I found this movie to be a bit hard to believe in several instances, and fairly mediocre acting from a cast I know can do better. I do wish Alan Rickman had had more screen time though, he’s awesome. Until next time.
The January Man, 1989, Rated R
Starring: Kevin Kline, Susan Sarandon, Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio
Directed by: Pat O’Connor
Written by: John Patrick Shanley
– Jess D (guest film reviewer)
