Lies, scandal, bad wigs and poofy skirts. I suppose I could be talking about a good many period piece films, but I am referring to one in particular. Being a moderate fan of the 1990s (sort of) cult classic Cruel Intentions, I was curious to see what an 18th century telling of the story would be like. Obviously if you’ve seen Cruel Intentions or Dangerous Liaisons you know the basic outline of this story, but let’s dive right into my review of Valmont, shall we?
Colin Firth is Valmont, an arrogant yet charming young man whom all the ladies adore. Annette Bening is Merteuil, a rich and bored young widow who has a thing for elaborate schemes and taking baths with her clothes on (maybe that was a thing back then, I don’t know). One day while chatting with her cousin Madame de Volange (Siân Phillips), Merteuil learns that Volange’s 15-year-old daughter Cecile (Fairuza Balk) is betrothed to some middle-aged guy named Gercourt (Jeffrey Jones) who happens to be Merteuil’s secret on-call lover. It’s twisted already, right?
As you may have imagined, Merteuil is not ok with her little cousin marrying him, and she is pretty annoyed with Gercourt himself since apparently he told Madame de Volange his “former” mistress is a bit nuts. Though to be fair, she is. Wait for it…
It is around this time that Merteuil decides to drag Valmont into this developing fiasco. She asks him to seduce and sleep with her little cousin Cecile so that on their wedding night Gercourt will discover that someone else beat him to Cecile’s closely-guarded virginity. Valmont is about as repulsed by this idea as I was and declines, being far more interested in seducing a married young woman by the name of Madame de Tourvel (Meg Tilly) who is hanging out at the big family house while her husband is away on business. Being a devious human being, Merteuil thinks wooing the young Tourvel is a marvelous idea, and tells Valmont that if he succeeds, he can sleep with her (which would be a reunion since they also had an affair at one time). If Valmont does not win the bet, he has to join a monastery. Not wanting to appear less brave than the crazy woman, Valmont accepts.
As if all this wasn’t bizarre enough, we soon learn that young Cecile believes herself to be in love with her music teacher Danceny (Henry Thomas). She starts secretly exchanging notes with him with the help of Merteuil (who didn’t feel she was entangled enough in everyone’s personal affairs) while Valmont puts those suave 18th century moves on Tourvel. Basically everyone is hanging out at this big country mansion together, ruining marriages and such.
Merteuil keeps helping Cecile write letters to Danceny, pretending to be a sweet cousin
and all while plainly displaying her ‘crazy eyes’. She decides Valmont should help Cecile write a letter, suggesting his male viewpoint would be helpful. The letter writing session soon devolves into Valmont taking (with permission) Cecile’s virtue. This leads to much crying from Cecile as she immediately confesses her indiscretion to Merteuil. Much crying. Cecile cries very loudly.
Meanwhile, Valmont is still in pursuit of young Tourvel , and despite her misgivings, she throws caution and her skirts to the wind and gives it up. He is just too charming to resist. The next morning he tells her he just can’t change his ways and their being together was a mistake. He skips back to Merteuil, barges in on her bath time, and lets her know that he won the bet. Eager to claim his ‘prize’, Valmont is dismayed to learn that Merteuil was not serious about honoring her end of the bargain. Worse yet, he really does love Madame de Tourvel.
As we approach the end of this two hour romp of debauchery, Danceny learns that Valmont slept with Cecile and challenges him to a duel. Foolishly, Valmont gets very drunk the night before the fight, and in his very hung-over state the next morning manages to let Danceny slay him (I really don’t think Cecile is worth all this fuss). The film comes to a rather anti-climactic ending. No public revealing of Merteuil’s scheming, no music by The Verve. Cecile simply marries Gercourt while secretly carrying Valmont’s baby, Merteuil ends up alone (because she is crazy) and Madame de Tourvel says a tearful farewell at Valmont’s graveside.
And there you have it. I actually kind of enjoyed this film, despite the ridiculousness. In my opinion, Colin Firth puts on a talented performance as the mostly good-at-heart bad boy, and Annette Bening is extremely believable as a crazy person. Plus, really bad wigs and poofy skirts! Check it out. Until next time.
Valmont, 1989. Rated PG
Starring Colin Firth, Annette Bening, Meg Tilly
Directed by Milos Forman
Written by Choderlos de Laclos, Jean-Claude Carrière, Milos Forman
-Jess D (guest film reviewer)
