I watched an interaction the other day that worried me, between a toddler and a dog. I was concerned because the child’s mother, sitting a few feet away, seemed oblivious to what was happening, although I certainly was not. Luckily, the dog’s owner was paying attention and handled the situation very well.
Had the owner been less attentive—or the dog less tolerant—the interaction might not have turned out happily because, frankly, no one asked the dog if he wanted to be patted.
What happened?
Two moms and two toddlers were sitting outside an ice cream shop. Both children had started in their mothers’ laps, but quickly lost interest in what that position had to offer. The younger of the two was not yet mobile, so he stayed at his mother’s feet. The older child was very mobile. While he crawled around the area, his mother kept a close eye on him, corralling him several times when he got too far away. He was happily flinging around a toy truck and enjoying himself.
Along the street came a man walking a large dog.
The dog was on leash and wearing a head halter.
The active toddler saw the dog coming and stood up.
The dog’s owner saw the child watching and stopped.
The child’s mother did nothing to stop her toddler.
The dog stood very still with its eyes straight ahead.
The child stumbled up to the dog and patted its face.
The child’s mother said not one word to her toddler. The child’s mother did not stand up from her chair.
Things could’ve gone horribly wrong at that point, but fortunately they did not. I completely credit the dog’s owner for that good outcome. He knew what to do and he did it.
- He had a well-socialized dog.
- He had the dog on leash in appropriate equipment. With a head halter, the owner would have been able to direct the dog’s face away from an oncoming child and walk away.
- He knew his dog was trustworthy around children. He’d probably had similar experiences with “stray” kids many times.
What I noticed—and asked about—was the dog’s intent stare at the front door of the ice cream parlor. What I guessed was, “Your dog’s been here before a few times, hasn’t he?” Yes, he had!
The dog loved ice cream!
The intent focus I had noticed indicated that the dog had one priority—the hope that he would soon be eating one of the shop’s tiny “child-sized” cups of ice cream. (He didn’t get one that day, I’m sad to report, although he certainly deserved such a valuable reward for his very good behavior.)
Okay. What could have gone wrong?
- The dog could have been afraid of children, from a bad experience or a series of bad experiences.
- The dog could have learned that the best way to keep from being bothered by children is to bark loudly when they approach, or to nip at their fingers.
- The dog could have bitten the child’s face.
What did the mother do wrong?
The mother did not watch her child closely enough to realize that the little boy was standing up and toddling toward a large dog that neither one of them knew. The mother either missed the dog’s approach entirely or, even worse, figured that a strange dog interacting with her child was not a problem—not even a potential problem. Either way, she was making a big mistake.
What should a mother do instead?
The mother in this incident—and anyone who is supervising a mobile child (that is, a child who can get around on his or her own, whether rolling, crawling, walking, or running)—should be certain that under no circumstances does that child approach an unfamiliar dog alone.
- The mother should go to the child.
- The mother should hold onto the child.
- The mother should ask the dog owner if it’s okay that her child approach the dog.
The owner might give permission—or not. By asking, you’ve offered the owner a chance to speak for the dog. Some owners know their dogs very well; some owners are clueless. Some owners are embarrassed that their dog doesn’t have good manners. Some owners wish their dog liked children, but have failed to do anything to make that happen. Some owners are too shy to say No.
Whatever the owner says, thank him or her. It’s very important to encourage dog owners to speak up for their pets.
- Parents have every right to get mad when a loose dog jumps on their children.
- Dog owners have every right to expect that parents will ask before they allow their child to jump on a dog.
When an owner says, “No, I’d prefer your child not approach my dog”:
- The parent should pleasantly remove the child, explaining that the dog doesn’t want to be petted right now. No second-guessing, no whining that your child “just loves animals,” no bad-mouthing the dog’s owner.
- The parent should explain to the child, again and again, that not all animals like being petted.
- The child should understand that it is never okay to approach an animal without permission from both the animal’s owner and from the child’s own parent, who must be present to accompany the child.
When an owner says, “Yes, your child can approach my dog”:
- Don’t drop the child’s hand and let him race to the animal. Keep the child under close supervision until the interaction is done!
- Walk with the child to within about six feet from the dog and its owner.
- Stand with the child, both of you sideways to the dog.
- Tell the child to look at his or her feet, not at the dog.
- Ask the owner to let the dog approach the child.
- If the dog does not want to approach the child on a loose leash, tell the child that the dog doesn’t want to say hello right now, thank the owner, and walk away with the child.
- If the owner is sticking around, let the dog observe the child from a distance. Later, ask the owner if you and the child can try it again.
Any dog that clearly indicates unwillingness or hesitancy to approach a child should never be forced, any more than you would force a child to approach an animal that scared him.
By letting both the owner and the dog indicate their willingness to meet and greet, you’ve been fair. If the dog does not want to approach, thank the owner and walk away with the child.
The dog may be quite willing to approach your child!
That is why it is your responsibility to protect the child if the dog is overly friendly, jumps up, or licks the child’s face. Step between the child and the dog if you can. If the owner does not call the dog away, move away yourself with the child, giving the dog a chance to calm down before you approach again.
Children often like being “mugged” by dogs, but overly pushy affection on the part of the dog can instantly become dangerous if a child falls and hits his head, or if a child is inadvertently injured.
Once the dog has approached the child, the next step is to allow the dog to sniff the child—within reason! Allowing the dog to “check ID” on your child is perfectly appropriate. It’s like shaking hands.
Your child will want to touch the dog.
Ask the owner if touching the dog is okay.
The average toddler’s instinctive approach to a living animal is very similar to his approach to a stuffed animal—stagger over and poke its eyes! (No wonder many dogs fear mobile toddlers.)
Your job is to teach your child how to touch the dog safely.
- Let the dog sniff the child’s fingers.
- Have the child hold out his hand and move it slowly.
- Tell the child to touch the dog first under the chin. (That allows the dog to see what the child is doing.)
- Ask the owner how the dog likes to be petted.
- Help your child pet the dog gently and appropriately. Keep the interaction short and stressless!
- Encourage your child’s good behavior with praise. Talk about what he or she did right. Every interaction with a new dog will be a learning experience for all concerned. Make it positive!
Once your child understands that not all animals want to be petted, and that children should not approach animals without adult supervision, you’ve established a very basic understanding of how humans and animals can live together safely. As your child grows up, you’ll expand on his or her humane education to include much more sophisticated concepts, like how to be a good pet owner.
First get him through toddlerhood without any bad dog experiences!
Don’t let your child feed treats or hand toys to a dog you don’t know well, no matter how gentle the owner says the dog is! Observe for yourself and don’t take any chances.
Teach your youngster how to offer the dog a treat on a flat hand, the way you feed sugar to a horse. Show the child what to do, encourage with praise, practice without a dog. Treat on open palm, hold still, don’t pull away.
NEXT WEEK: Kids And Your Family Dog
