Last week, I outlined how to prepare for a party that celebrates your new puppy and welcomes him into your home and family. This week, I’ll suggest what your goals should be for this occasion and talk about how to create a positive and supportive atmosphere for your new family member as the pup meets the people who will be significant in his doggy life!
What are your goals for the puppy party?
Your puppy should have only good experiences.
It is your responsibility to make sure your family and guests understand that they are being asked to provide these good experiences . . . and that the only one to determine if his experiences are good or bad is the puppy.
In other words, strongly discourage guests from making mistakes like rough handling, even though they may claim, “My old dog loved it!” What your guest’s old dog loved may be exactly the wrong treatment for your puppy.
Model appropriate treatment and point how how you know the puppy is enjoying it. The most important clue being, does the puppy stick around for more? Anytime your puppy is clearly attempting to avoid certain treatment, make sure that treatment stops immediately. Yes, even if it’s coming from your mother-in-law or your pastor! Your puppy is your first responsibility. Don’t invite folks who might argue with you.
What’s the best way to get started?
- Have your guests sit on the floor.
Carpeted rooms are good for floor-sitting, but they’re not good for baby puppies because of the high chance of an elimination accident. In an uncarpeted room, you might provide pillows for guests who are not normally floor-sitters. (Remember, you’ve already warned your guests to wear casual clothes.) Elderly guests who are not comfortable with floor-sitting are exempted.
- Ask your guests to arrange themselves in a circle as much as possible, so the puppy can see everyone in the room and have easy access to all without having to climb over other guests. (Although guests may well be climbed on anyway.)
- Bring in the puppy after everyone is seated.
- Sit down on the floor with the puppy.
- Let go of the puppy and see what happens!
Encourage your guests to watch and learn. In the first few minutes, they will be able to see from the puppy’s reactions whether he is frightened in this new situation or not. He may burrow into your arms and hide. He may sit still. He may look around tentatively, unsure of what to do. He may sniff at the person next to you but not approach any closer. He may run around wildly, launching himself at every human in the room.
Regardless of the pup’s behavior in the first few minutes, your guests should remain quiet and calm. No standing up, no moving around, no calling the pup, no recriminations.
A pup who runs around wildly can surprise some of your guests. Ask them to do what’s necessary to fend off actual damage (like a pup that jumps up to nibble on faces) without speaking, and especially without scolding the pup. No screaming, please, and no flailing around. That could only make things worse. If necessary, you can stand up and retrieve the pup.
A guest who’s really being bothered or is afraid of being hurt can also stand up and leave the room, then return in a few minutes when the pup has moved on to someone else. With so many humans in one room, your pup could turn out to be so wild that you might need to ask all your guests to stand up and go into another room while you regroup. After a breather, request their return one by one. This lets the pup get used to a single person at a time, rather than a whole group at once. You do not want a puppy party to teach your puppy that humans are either a playground or a climbing wall!
What if the puppy doesn’t approach your guests?
You want the puppy to take the lead. You cannot force a puppy to socialize—it must be the puppy’s choice. You can, however, help the pup want to approach your guests by encouraging them to stay still and silent. No jerky movements, no big coughs. Their arms should be open and their hands unfisted, preferably palm up at their sides or resting on their knees. They should have calm, smiling faces and soft, welcoming postures.
You, on the other hand, should “remove” yourself from the puppy as much as possible. Don’t stand up or leave the room, but take your hands off the pup—no matter how difficult that is—and direct your attention elsewhere. Ignore the puppy as much as possible. That may well increase his efforts to get your attention. With no encouragement from you, though, he might eventually turn to another human for a quick sniff. If that turns out well—if the human allows the contact without grabbing the puppy—young Fido may stick around for more sniffs, or even move on to the next person in the circle for more.
Do not be discouraged if your puppy seems uncertain or shy!
Keep your expectations low. The puppy should feel safe, but he never will if you or your guests try to force him to behave the way they think he should. It simply doesn’t work that way. The puppy is the only one who can decide if he feels safe.
For a shy puppy, meeting a group of humans in his own home, at his own eye level (as much as possible), with no big fuss being made, may be a perfect first experience with group socialization.
Take the opportunity to ask your guests (at least the cooperative ones) to return in a few days or a week for another visit. For the shyest pup, ask them to come one or two at a time.
What about the puppy who is middle-of-the-road?
He’s not uncomfortably shy, he’s not wildly outgoing.
He will probably leave you to check out someone else in the group. Don’t be surprised if the first thing he sniffs is shoes! You’ve told your guests not to have bare toes and this is why. Shoes carry an enormous amount of information at a level where pups can access it easily. This does not mean that a pup isn’t interested in humans—he just has to check for messages first. Hands will likely be next, as they will be lying there quietly at your guests’ sides.
Let the pup decide when he is through “investigating” one guest and is ready to move on to another. Assure everyone that who the pup happens to check out first doesn’t indicate who he “likes” the best. It’s not a contest. He’s just a baby. He’s not making choices!
When the puppy has investigated all or most of the guests in the room, give the go-ahead for guests to start interacting with the pup.
But this doesn’t mean a free-for-all! Encourage all guests to take it easy. No grabbing, no tugging, no fingers in the mouth, no tail-pulling . . . no restraining of the puppy at all. Pet him and let him go. The puppy will let you know when he has had enough.
Show your guests how to hold the puppy on his back in your lap or between your legs as you sit on the floor. Demonstrate how to touch each paw, the tail, the head, the tummy. The puppy has already been practicing these maneuvers with you, so he should be comfortable with handling from you and, we hope, your other family members.
Pass him on to a family member who has also practiced handling him, so your guests can see how that goes. Eventually, if the pup is still awake and receptive, not struggling to escape, pass him to a guest you feel will do the handling appropriately. Verbally encourage that person with positive praise when he or she does it correctly.
Not every guest will get a chance to handle the puppy in this way before the party’s over, possibly, but every guest will have learned how it’s done. The next time they visit, they will have their chance, too. It is so important to make each guest understand how essential their contributions are to your puppy’s well-being. Don’t forget to tell them!
As time goes on, involve your friends and family in an ongoing series of mini puppy parties. They will enjoy seeing how your puppy develops trust, and they will be proud to help. These very people will be the ones caring for your puppy when you are ill or away from home, so enlisting their ongoing help makes good sense. They won’t just “know” your puppy—they will learn to understand him. All the better to make them the perfect dog-sitters later in his life!
Should a puppy “open” his presents at the party?
I say no, and with good reason. You have more important things to do at the party! He’s a puppy, not a toddler. He has no idea what presents are, and he has absolutely no expectation of receiving them. In other words, he won’t be disappointed if no presents are opened at his party.
However, your guests may feel otherwise. You can explain to them your reasoning and hope they understand, or you can give in to the social pressure and let the puppy open the darn presents against my advice—your choice! Just explain to your guests that the puppy will probably be much more interested in them than in the presents that they’ve brought.
- Do not open the packages that contain treats. Just don’t. Your guests will expect the puppy to sample treats from every single gift, and you know darn well that’s only going to make him sick. If not immediately, then as soon as you put him in his kennel. And you’ll have to clean him up.
Open the treats later. Introduce them one by one, so you can tell which upset his digestion and which he seems to digest with ease.
- Don’t be surprised if the puppy has no interest whatsoever in any toys he receives at the party. Give him time—he’s overwhelmed! But you don’t want guests to feel their presents have been “rejected” by the puppy (which is another reason not to open presents during the festivities, at least with the puppy there). Your happy medium might be opening presents after you put the puppy to bed in another room. That way, your guests get to hear your delighted response. Later on, you can tell them how much the puppy enjoys each and every gift . . . in his own way.
I haven’t mentioned photos yet, but we can’t leave that out. Someone on your guest list has good skills with a camera, right? Ask that person if he or she will “document” the party. True, it means no puppy interaction during that visit (for the safety of the camera alone), but what a gift to give! You’ll be far too busy to snap photos yourself, trust me. Get help!
Does your puppy have a Puppy Book? Start with photos of your puppy parties and add on as the puppy grows. Include all the information you would in a baby book but, you know, do it for a dog, instead. First vet visit, first bath, first grooming, first puppy class. There are so many firsts. Don’t miss any of them. They’re all important.
Enjoy your puppy every minute!
